Turkle Man and The Mada

Sooooooo... In any scheme you know you afi have a football field. Luckily ours was located right next to the house of a christian, u know, when the ball go ova dem yard you just shout dem 2 time and dem wiggle dem ass come outside, tek the ball throw give u, smile and tell u 'God bless yuh' and wiggle dem ass back inside. Now, what was special about this family is that it consisted of only 2 femlaes, NO MAN inna d household. But... the old woman did miserable u fack and di young girl did inna heat like jack rabbit inna d middle a d desert.
So one day Sunday we deh ball field a play ball and as di game kick off we see the old lady a wiggle har ass outta d house inna white frock and felt hat, look like when country a come country. As she drifted outta we sight a d girl dat we see a wiggle har ass outta d house inna soso top and draws, ball game devn pause cause she did shape like when Q a try dagga Y and dem a solve fi X. so dame speed smaddy kick a shot to goal and the compass inna him foot malfunction and the ball end up ova d yard. So we shout d B and she throw the ball and start watch di ball game. As usual, some man no have nutn bout dem so one a dem tek d ball run ova to the flank, shift 2 bwoy and pass the ball and as him pass di ball a it dat fi him. Fi d next hour and a half di Turkle man hitch up pon d wall a lyrics di woman christian dawta. All me coulda see a teeth.

So ball game done and Turkle man finally come offa d wall fava leased puss. Man say 'yow, har mada no deh deh inna dog, she say we can come ova'. Every man skin ketch fire. You woulda never believe say a d unidentified shape katty dm a gwaan so ova. So Turkle man go back and mek d B know say every man want a piece and him nah come unless d nigga dem come as lookout, cause him no want har mada strike him down wid the blood of jesus. So she said yes... As soon as the nigga came over and said 'She say yes'..nigaz we like

So every nigga was supposed to meet back by the ball field in 10. So we went home and showered, who fi shave shave, who fi line up line up, who fi powder chest powder chest. So upon meeting back at the field we huddled around and decided who a go after Turkle man by doing coin tosses.

Bam, plan complete. So turkle man went by the girl's window and gave the signal 'Turdle, Turdle' by this time every nigga in the people dem yard like dem a patrol. So the B pull d window and agn, BAY TEETH. Quick Quick she opened the door and we spared no time.

So we went in and  made ourselves comfy

Turkle man and d B waltz inna di room like beauty and d beast but the 2 a dem did ova 31 degrees Celsius, well warm. So dem inna d room and all of a sudden.. BAY NOISE.. so we did what any other nigga would

At one point we did a go bruk dung di door and see wah really did a gwaan because not even Tivoli excursion neva so noisy. 30 minutes into it we hear d noise stop, so every man a say yes.. finally..hst.. noise start again. All d B deh pon is 'mommy. mommy, me want me mommy, jesus, oh my god my savious, yes yes yes, hallelujah'. only thing did lef fi do a baptize har wid him holy water. So oily back get up now and decide say him a wait too long. Di man get up and go beat dung di door wid him stiffy. Now, we know say if oily back go in a it dat because him get d name fi a reason. So while him and him thing a beat dung d door it look like Turkle man tun up d radio lickle more. Di man come back out inna d hall wid a piece a rage and cuss a BBC badwud. Same speed we hear a voice outside say 'who said that?' Me rass... no d B mada.. Me hear one man shout out.. HIDE!!!!!

By this time the mada deh outise a ut the key inna d lock. The speed at which we tun off the light and shot thru the backdoor she couldn't tell if a JPS power surge or somebody did inna d house. To how we frighten we not even memba fi knock up Turkle Man but probably if we did the mada woulda ketch we. So through the back door and ova d wall

We didnt even move we just sat there rocking out of fright. All of a sudden the music inna the room stop and me hear Psalms 23 a chant. The mada a chant out baxide and we outta door almost shit up. Oily back B room and give di signal 'turdle turdle'. She open the window. Turkle man inna d room a shit bricks and the girl in deh a plan fi tell har mada say a rape. Jeezas crise u see how woman wicked?? So we say no, u cant do that and out deh a devise a plan. We tell turkle man say fi gwaan like him gay and just gwaan like dem did a do school work but believe me we knew that was not gonna work because that funky scent weh drape we nose and box it dung smells nothing like text books, lead and rubber. So Gillz came up with a plan, "dawg, throw the white sheet ova u head and act like you a wah ghost'. That shit sounded farfetched but crazy enough to work.

By this time the B mada a call har name and a call dung the blood of jesus on har cause she suspects what is happening. Same speed Turkle man start mek some sound 'whoooooooooo, whooooooooo'. All we hear is ' what is that? THE BLOOD OF JESUS IS AGAINST U DEMON. THE BLOOD OF JESUS IS AGAINST YOU'.. light well tun off inna d room but was on in the living room so we could see when Turkle man open the door inna d big white sheet a whoooo whoooo dung di place. There was then a scream and then buff baff buddup baff baff bip. the woman faint. Lawd gad we start panic.. Me set fi run long time (yes.. i just blew my cover and inserted myself into the 'STORY').. but as my set fi run me hear know eventually i had to be there to know the outcome. So before Turkle man run outta d house lef d B and har mada him deh deh a tek off sheet and a ask if she alright -__- .. So the B mada open har eyes and see turkle man and say 'dont run son, god already saw what you did'.. My boi freeze like icicle. The mada call the daughter and say.. 'me want my share'..LMAOOOOOOO... so as she say that she faint again. You could tell that the B stunned by the look on her face.. Same time Oily back shout out.. DAWG DI FK YAH DO SO LONG?? but Turkle man still freeze like him did a play statue and dem no mely him yet. So the B no know weh fi tell him say so she say 'me mada wah tell u supn'... So my boi no do a betta thing that kneel down beside the mada a tell har how him sorry. Like any one a dem horror movie the mother hand raise from offa the ground and grab him inna d back a him head, lower he ear to her mouth and say 'u no hear say me faint? u betta revive me wid deh supn deh else me a go cal the police'. The speed weh d man shot outta d ppl dem house..All when Turkle man scale the wall and see we him no stop run.. man lock up inna him house fi 1 week straight, no phone, no school, no nutn.. Tell him mada bout him sick...

From that day Turkle man no play no more ball... as a matter of fact we change him name to Granny Bamma

Now the moral of the story is.. IF U PLAN FI SEX THE DAUGHTA.. U MUST ALSO PLAN FI SEX D MADA.. JUST IN CASE 

The End